It's Only Breakfast!

My husband left early this morning for a business trip in Mexico. He has done this before, so I have been preparing to deal with my three preschool-age boys by myself. I was up early this morning, too, and did a number of activities just to keep my mind off the fact that in just a couple of hours, three little boys would be emerging from their beds ready to present me with about 14 hours of challenges for the day. I did laundry, worked out, took a shower, did my hair and make up, changed the bedding on our bed, cleaned the bathroom, did some paperwork...weren't those boys up yet?...did more cleaning, prepared breakfast, read the paper, and sat down on the computer to check my e-mail, at which point, the boys awakened. "You've Got Mail" would have to wait.

The boys raced to the kitchen in hot pursuit of a nourishing meal. To me, that would mean scrambled eggs or oatmeal or toast and some juice. To them, that would mean cookies and M & Ms and maybe a piece of cake. After all, Dad was gone. They always seem to realize that when their Dad is gone, they have a bit more liberties around the house because (1) Mom is too tired from all the extra work to properly and effectively discipline and (2) by the time Dad returned from his trip, Mom would most likely forget all the little annoying, yet terribly time-consuming, things the boys did during the week. It was only Monday today. It was only breakfast. It was just the beginning.

As I prepared cold cereal and some Pop Tarts for my boys, I felt confident they would consume it all without trouble. After all, each boy had their own requested box of cereal (I told you I was prepared!) and their own requested box of Pop Tarts. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and in that short amount of time (if I take more than 30 seconds to relieve myself, I will find big trouble lurking elsewhere in the house!), my boys had managed to take one entire box of cereal and dump the contents of it on top of the kitchen counter. From there, it appeared they had doused it all with milk...perhaps a gallon or more, and they were dancing in it! On top of the counter! And they were having fun! They were not eating their cereal. They were wearing it! Let's not forget the smashed Pop Tarts underneath their feet!

The next step in delivering this amusement to me rested in the "see who can throw the cookie crumbs the farthest. (Yes! They raided the cookie jar, too! I may have to put vegetables in there next time!) Now these boys were covered in cookie crumbs and bottom of the box cereal dustings. At this point, I did what any reasonable Mom would do: I got out my vacuum cleaner, complete with attachments, pieced the hose part of it together, lined the boys up, and proceeded to vacuum them up! (Don't knock it 'til you try it! It's fast and it works!) That got most of the crumbs up, but they were still somewhat soggy from the cereal dancing incident. At this point, I stripped them down and carried them, one by one, up to the shower. I thought they would dislike this, but, no...it was another unique opportunity to engage mom in some mental war fare.

At one point, all three boys decided they needed to use the potty. Fearing what I thought they might do in a warm shower, I ushered them to the toilet as quickly as possible. Please imagine this without laughing: Three boys, ages 5, nearly 4, and almost 2 all standing at the toilet, buck-naked, side-by-side, and taking perfect aim. I wish I would have had my camera handy: "The 'pee' Musketeers!" The older two dashed back into the shower when done at the toilet. While I was making sure the water was still warm, the youngest boy was fishing with his hands in the toilet...which had yet to be flushed! That really grossed me out! He did not seem to mind a bit. When I screamed at him to quit that, he took his hands from the toilet and shook them off wildly, getting the wet stuff all over the floor and walls.

I got the little guy into the shower. "The toilet will get cleaned later, " I promised myself. The boys got all cleaned up and, for the most part, were well-behaved. They all raced to the playroom and engaged in play. I was thankful for that. I had to clean up the bathroom...and then the kitchen. While I was tending to my chores, the oldest boy decided to treat his brothers to some chewing gum. How did I know this? It wasn't empty gum wrappers on the floor. It wasn't an open treat drawer. It was wads of chewed bubble gum all over the carpet. After a brief reprimanding, I cleaned it all up. I then retreated back to my bathroom and kitchen duties. Before I knew it, it was past noon. "Oh, my goodness!" I realized. "I have to get lunch for the boys." I dashed to the kitchen in pursuit of non-launchable food...the kind that can't fly from a fork or be thrown 50 feet. I perused my pantry...chips, peanut butter, soup, crackers, fruit... . I thought to myself, "It's only lunch." I then went to get the boys. "Hey, fellas...how about a picnic lunch outside?"